Wednesday, November 24, 2010

yes add me to the list of hopefuls

Behind every woman’s exterior, there is a girl who dreams of more. Before you chastise me on that Oprah Winfrey statement, realize something. It is in our human nature to want more, to look at what we have and always say it isn’t enough. Some channel that into religion, and some greed. But in relationship we do this as well. I hope, when it comes time to have that special person in my life, I will not only take, but give. When I look on the other side of my comforter, I’ll look up to someone who needs me there just as much as I need him. Someone to love me just as passionately and irrevocably as I love him. When I come home from class, he will surprise me from behind, putting his arms around me making everything right in this world. By his embrace alone will I utterly melt into him. In the mean time, I’m comfortable waiting for such a relationship. I know one day, we will finally meet, and somehow he will make me believe in fairy tales. He will make me reconsider everything I have ever known. He and he alone will make believe in love at first sight. He will be everything and nothing I have ever dreamed of, my perfectly imperfect. To have this kind of love in possession is very dangerous and only put in the books. But somehow, someone saw fit to let me experience such tenderness, such fierceness, such emotion that not even the best writer or painter could ever recreate. Yes, I do yearn for more, just like every person who watched a Disney movie. But I believe I long differently. I don’t want a pretty boy who is perfect in every way. No, for I want a man who is so masculine, Hercules covet his skills. I want someone who occasionally swears when he hits his hand with a hammer, but its so gosh darn cute when he tries to hide his embarrassment. Someone who could possibly be the worst dancer in the world, but it wont matter because I will fit perfectly against him. When we dance, everything will be right in the world, because that’s where I belong, in his arms. Now, I have a feeling I am being prepared for this now. When the time is right, it will happen. By writing this, I have finally succumbed to my wants, but I believe they are more of needs. And I cannot wait for the day I will have that in my life, for I have a feeling it might be sooner than I think.

Friday, November 5, 2010


Today I am grateful,and ashamed. Pride is such a abusive thing for one to have. It leaves you feeling too good, an island in a sea of shame. To try to swim to another island, say to hope, or to love, you have to get off the addictive island and swim. You have to let yourself go to shame, or shall I call it humility. You need to let yourself go, before you can be found again.Today, I swallowed my pride, and jumped. I jumped deep. For one to ask for a blessing, may not be such a hard thing. But for me, it is hard for me to accept I need help. Lucky for me I have ridiculously awesome friends who would drop anything to help. To my FHE family, at first I was concerned, nothing personal, I just didn't like FHE with people who weren't my family. But I am realizing now that you guys really are my family. I dont think I have ever felt this loved, not even at Pine Basin, which is really saying something. When my back kills, you come, no questions asked. Except you did ask me what meds I took, but i'll let that one slide. haha jk. I want you all to know how much I look up to you and truly appriciate your help. I have an awesome family, that is only growing bigger and bigger. I only wish that I can return the favor one day.