Thursday, January 14, 2010

A tale of a two

Do you believe that there is a counter part for us individually? lately i've been wondering, Is there someone-whether a friend, or that other soul mate- who completely understands you and the way you work. Not just 'have an idea' but on a different level. I used to think that there was one for you. But if it happens to be a soul mate, does that mean its the only soul mate for you? Can you possibly only have one? What of arranged marrages that turned into love? Is that 'in love' or a love with a duty? Its not like I have an arranged marrage or anything, but what happens when people love eachother, but arn't inlove? But out of duty -possibly even staying with that person for so long- its an odd realization, but if you marry someone out of duty, is it a form of arranged marrage? I would like to know, one day, what goes into love...obviously i dont think i've ever been in a real relationship. But ithink i have loved someone, but never in love. When ever or whatever is in this afterlife, i would like to ask what is the formula for one to fall 'in love'. Can you have more then one 'soul mate?' I dont think so. I think that God has a plan, and if we pick the wrong one he'll help us get on the right track. I think there are different stages in love, whether its love, in love, pationatly in love...ect. So if we do have a partner, there could be different stages in which we love them. Friends as well, you can have a deep connection, but never be in the same stage of life. Some of us will grow to love our friends, but one day they change and what is important to them is gone, or have altered. One day, I'll find a friend who I can have the same feelings about life with. Some one to laugh with, to cry with, to talk with, to love with...i believe they are one in the same...a tale of a two

Friday, January 8, 2010

So, here comes another day in the life of Vanessa, which I've come to realize is super boring, but for some reason i wouldn't have it anyother way for now. I'm Super excited to start this new diet, which works wonders! and its a short term diet so thats a plus, you loose 2 or 3 lbs a day TOTALLY GREAT! Its called HGC or HCG or something, its where you eat 500 calories a day, and take a suppliment, but you dont even feel hungry after the first couple of days.. My dad lost like 30-50 lbs in one month. I dont have THAT much to loose but i'm treating myself to a shopping spree afterwords. Nothings better then rewarding yourself. Because you and only you know exactly where you went wrong or what you did well so i'm excited for that..
Well this next week i start a new job, parttime but i'm still looking for a job, I think i want to try teaching some privates for other ballroom companies...sometimes i dont give myself credit for how good i have gotten, I was hestitent to try out for ballroom for college...maybe in a couple of years after college. I've officially become a hermit. I have lost all inhibition or pleasure in going out and hanging out with friends. I need to get out more, and actually..its not that i'm dissapointed with my friends, i love them all, but i wish i could find someone i could click with a little more. It seems like none of my friends have the COMPLETE package, one with morals and a personality...It seems like some of my friends are great in the personality department and suck with the church and they dont see all of my views, and dont get me wrong. I will always love them for who they are, but i wish i could find someone with everything. The only people i've met that are like that are all of missions! no bueno! I miss Pine Basin super bad! i think i will take a drive up there one day. Just to look at the stars.... GAH! Oh did i tell you i'm writing a book, just for should be proud...ah goodness i'm pathetic, just sitten here writing...haha oh i crack myself up!

Monday, January 4, 2010

dear llanta i've turned into a GIRL

ok so i was reading through all of my last posts, o my llanta i'm the biggest whiner EVER! I didn't even mean half of things i say, i just needed to vent... and i'm done venting, so if your reading this i'll probably delete half of the posts I wrote, because i dont really want people, (or just for myself) to think i'm a whiner, cause i'm not...psh I always prided myself in not being one, dang i'm dumb... ANYWAYS So life is headed a whole new direction now that i'm back, meaning..i dont feel so much anamosity towards everyone...which is probably a good thing :D I have decided probably a good thing for my inner chi (list of things to do: try meditation, not the kind you do everymorning when you wake up or whatev, the kind where you dont talk to anyone for a week and cool stuff like that, i think it would put my life in a different perspective) So

This week i decided to mix things up and actually start to let people maybe take a look

here are some things you probably didn't know about me

Sometimes, I like to meet new people, and i dont think there creepo's for actually taking the initative to start conversation...i actually quite enjoy it

My family happens to be my best friends... i swear my family is so histarical, and most of them are under the age of 13,

I happen to love frogs...ALOT. I loved the princess and the frog movie, i was going to see it a bunch o bunch of times but decided against it...i've kissed 98 frogs...yep real ones too

I enjoy NOT being the center of attention...dont get me wrong everyone is their leading actor in their movies of life, but sometimes...its nice just to be the best friend...makes life less dramaful

When i work, I WORK, i feel like i'm slackin if i am..and i hate that feeling...i'd like to think i have an over the top work ethic,

All my life, i've compaired myself to others..i've now learned to be the best me that i can be...

I have always thought I was going into culinary arts of somesort, but lately i want a job more meaningful... like a child psycologist...

I dont want to say i'm ready for a family, or that i want to settle down...but i do want to someday...when i'm around 21, i think thats a good time to start looking

I love singing and dancing, now i'm not the best at either..but i've come to decide i quite enjoy making choreography and i have gotten outstanding reviews from peers about it, which they wouldn't know anybetter but it doesn't hurt my confidence there

I've finally let myself forgive, even if others think i'm just too sweet to let it go..i'm ok with letting go. makes things alot easier.

I do want to go and see the world one day.. and i hate it when people say 'oh you need to do that before you get married' but in reality, i wouldn't want to do it alone, imagine being in a foreign place without anyone for support..and i know i could just take a friend, but when the time comes i'm ready to see the world, at whatever point in my life, if i'm married, i wouldn't be any happier to take a spouse

I have found great comfort in the scriptures, I know people are going to start seeing me as one of those 'goody two shoes' or whatever, and for a while i cared because i didn't want people to think of me that way. People tend to not trust when they here that. And i have always found that listening to peoples problems helps me for whatever reason, so i didn't want people to know that about me...But just because i love my religion, does not make me less understanding, and i hope you can trust me on that one

I learn by example, but somethings i just have to learn by myself...its kind of wierd i know.

I love watching movies...I love quoting them..makes me feel good inside haha

Alot of times i'll catch myself annoying myself, over stupid habits i've had all my life, time to grow up and get rid of those wierd laughs andstuff like that

Sometimes, its better to keep things inside, and oneday let it out, but i'd like to think the one thing that has influeced my life the most not a whole lot of people know, actually barely anyone knows, but i kind of like it that way

Well I've decided to let poeple know the real me, wow that was exilarating