conformatality

Conform..what a wierd thing... Isnt it strange how we choose to conform? When i think of conform, i think over time we change without knowing. Which is so true, but what point do we choose to conform? And why do we do so? Why choose to make ourselves something we know we're not? For example, I'm not a girl who likes to spend 3 hours on appearances let alone one somedays. Let me be the girl i was destined to be. The one who is comfortable in herself enough to shower and go. I dont like wearing a buunch of makeup. I'm comfortable enough in myself to go without. Why do people know this fact, and still try to dictate my habits for the sake of.... who knows what? i will never understand the need to change someone else, if who they are isn't bad..

Fam{ily}

So, I have had some hard times this last year as it pains me to say. Now i'm not one to admit i'm suffering or anything so I always appriciate all that people do for me. I'm not one for words, actions speak louder anyways. When someone knows me well enough to ask how my day went, and of course i'll say fine... but then they say oh come on... how was it really? ya that is nice. Now in my experience few people have that inate sixth sense...and most of them are my family. I love my family with allmy heart, and of course i need to work on saying it more often and reminding them, but i like to think i show them. Through the laughter, the tears, the wedgies, the mashed potato eating contest, the car rides, the secret icecream...the sister outings. But i couldn't stand it if my family didn't know i loved them.. I mean i have faults...i do yell alot. So from this moment on, I will be the best sister/daughter i can be for them. They deserve so much more. They have been there for me when no one has. I dont even have to tell them things, and i'll get a random hug, or a smile, or a wrestle match...point is is that Family IS Forever. And I would never let mine go for anything. Thanks for showing me a preview of heaven.

Kindness

When people show kindness, what really do they get out of it? I mean how can you really tell if someone is just sayin things out of duty, as opposed to heartfelt meaning. People say i love you all the time, but what really do they feel. I know i love my family...but i hardly ever say it. I'd like to think i show it to some extent. But then i meet people that say it all the time, but hardly ever show it....so what is one to do? Go after what they say or what they do? They say a picture(orr as i would like to think an action) could speak a thousand words..So true. So why do people not show it? Why dont they ever show what they say? How is one to know, that one kind action can change anothers life forever. I know mine has....heck one simple text did. Words are one thing...i almost think maybe a beginner step to affection, showing could be intermediate...and knowing could be advanced. So I ask you avid readers(which no one ever does read it but eh) why choose the beginners level?


I would like to thank the people that have showed me kindness...by not even being kind to me directly. For they are our true leaders in this life. I hope god gives you everything and anything you deserve.

Sucess

What does it really mean to suceed in life? Ah the life long question. Some believe it is to live your life to the fullest. Some say to make it back to our father in heaven. But honestly, i've never thought much about it till now. I dont wholy agree with anything, save one thing. I believe to suceed in life, is to change anothers. I do believe we need to live according to the will of our father, and to live life to its fullest. But when your on your deathbed, your life flashing before you...will you truly remember all of your sins? I know i dont think i would. I'd like to think of the beautiful blessings of others helping me and changing my life. I'd like to think others would do the same. Why focus on the bad things that already happened, especially for the fact you cant change them. But what the greatest feeling in the world is that you know someone thought of an act of kindness you did for them that helped change them. Imagine when we meet our maker, he'll take us in his arms and comfort us. He'll look us straight in the eye, and say thank you, for helping my precious lamb back. Your eyes will be filled with wracked emotion. For all the things you have done wrong in life, he notices all the right things first. What a great feeling it is that you pleased him. And a better feeling...that you didn't do it for him, you did it for fear of his little lamb. Again I say, to suceed in life, is to change anothers.

Contentment

Well life right now can only be described as contentment. I am very content with my life. But when does contentment evaporate to desire? When does contentment turn into an excuse for being lonely, or not what you want? Dont get me wrong i'm still at content, but everyonce in a while..wouldn't it be nice to have something more? All my life i've been content with being That girl. The girl who didn't care if i had someone there for me as long i was there for some one. But alas its time, when that isn't enough. Where in this life i would like someone there who does stuff for me, who cares about me. I know its a selfish request, but once in a while it would be nicefor everyone to experience it. For once to be told i'm beautiful, and that no one would want to change me for any reason...not shape or size or hair or anything. No i dont get that, i dont think i have ever got a sincerecompliment that really went to my heart about ME, and not work that i do. Sometimes i just wish that me was good enough, but that isn't the case aparently.

This world

Last night, I had a severe breaching. As I was writing in my adventure book, explaining the events of my indicisive life, I realized that it really is such a blessing to have great friends in your life. But its a bigger burden if your not willing to share your trials with them. Although it is difficult if you try to explain your trials and they do not understand your true pain. Not a whole lot of people in this world will understand you in life, which is such a depressing thought. Its worse when the people you think you can trust dont understand too. but it is something you truly need to get out of your system, it does help to talk about it. Wont it be great to someday find your best friend in the world...and share everything with them? your likes and dislikes, your happiness and pain..someone to hold you in their arms and whisper words of encouragement when your blue, or even just let you cry against them? Can you tell i'm ready for that? I'm actually not, t hats the wierd thing, commitment itself scares me. But if you really love that person, you'll never want to be without them. Its such a great feeling

complications of the little things

How is it, that some one can screw us over, and you couldn't really care a whole lot, but when registering for classes makes you want to throw your laptop against the wall....why is it you can recieve 50 dollar flowers, and not get as much satisfaction as one letter from someone that truly cares? the range of emotions humans can posses is really baffling if you really think about it..it seems like the more you try, the less it seems they care, but as soon as you stop trying, they show you you really care. When i thought all hope was lost, hope was found. Isn't that odd? How you can just be carying a conversation, and the other person could have a spark of hope, or of friendship, or of love. So why do people say hurtful things? when obviously its not helping anyone. if everyone said nice things, did nice things..i wonder how this world could be..i know that we're all not perfect, but i think if we even tried to bite our tounges a little bit, it could help. I think i will work on that...you never know whose life you could help. Another thing... maybe, when others are trying to help you, showing you they care...i could acknowledge that more..thank peoplemore often, i know it really ticks me off when it seems like people talk to me, but it sounds like they really dont care..like when you spend 30 bucks just to make um feel better from a reallybad day, or send expensive flowers to make them feel special on a special day...i know how i feel, maybe i should start thinking about how others feel